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The Life Cycle of Liver Flukes [21 Aug 2006|04:51pm]
I am amazed and astonished and mmm nature.

Paraphrased by me. Learned from Animal Planet.

An ant eats a flemball with liver flukes in it. The flukes go into the ants digestive system and then travel up to the ant's brain. It then stops the ant's brain function and takes over. It makes the ant crawl up a stalk of grass to clamp its jaws on the grass tip. It can remain in this position for up to 8 weeks. Then a mammal, perhaps a rabbit, will eat the grass with the ant on it. The liver fluke detaches from the ant brain and then turns into its adult form. The fluke produces more eggs in the rabbits digestive tract and the rabbit expels the liver fluke eggs in it's feces. A snail then eats the feces. The liver fluke eggs irritate the snails breathing apparatus so it pruduces lots of flem. The flem ball gets so big that the snail has to caugh it up. And then comes the little ant, hungry for snail flem.

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[03 Aug 2006|05:22pm]
"Shark week is running my life"

Furthermore, ask me about:
a) How big my hair has grown.
b) Why my bathroom smells like french fries (papas fritas).

I like these topics especially, however, I will discuss "your" quandaries in depth and utilize my fantastic active listening skills.

This post was purely self-indulgent and ever so slightly manic.
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time travel, romance [28 Jun 2006|12:08pm]
Being an American, I love a good time traveling romance. How can I not? All of the elements of a quality film are there: we've got heterosexual love, a quirky best friend, a time portal, and a an animal that isn't effected by this time thing and that can live in 2 parallel universes.

Which brings me to: The Lake House.

There are a few problems with this film.
1. At a point, someone tells Sandra Bullock that nobody should drink alone unless they have a good excuse. At this point, Sandra should have assertively stated "I'm involved in a time traveling romance."
2. Keannu's father asks him where he was for the past two years. He gives a poorly written and delivered answer when he should have said "Time travelling romance with Sandra".

But no. The writers of this movie sucked because not once did anyone utter TIME TRAVELING ROMANCE during the film. This confused not only myself, but the senior citizens surrounding me.

"Huh? I don't get it." old Bob sat in wonder.

Let's also talk about how Sandra and Keannu, despite being in two different years (2004 and 2006, which reminds me, why couldn't if have been an 1820-2006 romance? Two years isn't substantial. ) have conversations with eachother. Sandra sits here, Keannu there and they are chatting in a park. What?

Someone doesn't understand the concept of the TIME TRAVELING ROMANCE.

In order for this film to fly, there should have been more whimsy. I wouldn't have thought about it to much and I would have enjoyed Sandra's Butterfly costume and K.R.'s mustard outfit.

I quit the genre.
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[06 Apr 2006|08:04pm]
I think its because I'm secretly a masochist, but I love the feeling of my white flesh burning in the midday April sun. It's especially enjoyable if I'm eating expensive olives and chewing the pits just enough as to crack my tooth ever so slightly. Platters, seltzer, and bellies. This is my spring.

And then I wake up with a burning right arm that pleads to be doused in aloe gel and tossed into a large ice bucket. My left arm, however, shielded by my thoracic region from the westward sun, suffers no burn, just a slight rosy tan.

In like a lion.
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[03 Feb 2006|05:40pm]
Health class/drug education makes me want to get high.
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I'm a philos-fer! [16 Jan 2006|08:39pm]
Tomorrow at 12:58 PM, I will sit down in my third row seat in room B150 and take a test on Transcendentalism, namely, the writings of Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson. For the past two weeks, my English class has been reading, discussing, and ultimately stomping all over Transcendental philosophy like we have the Romantic and Puritan movements. We did not do these men justice.

We read excerpts from Walden and did so while sitting firmly at our desks. We read passages such as "Our life is frittered away by detail. An honest man has hardly need to count more than his ten fingers, or in extreme cases, he may add his ten toes, and lump the rest," and students continued to focus on every nuance of their pointless lives. Thoreau is screaming at us to stop living these meaningless lives, when all around me, I see future doctors (and that's it -- only doctors) wasting away their lives studying books ("Books are the best of thing, well used; abused, among the worst." Emerson, The American Scholar, Phi Betta Kappa Address at Harvard, 1837) and conforming to every smart kid stereotype available.

The sheer fact that I am being tested (and this is, supposedly the hardest test of the year) by being asked to regurgitate and dissect a philosophy that is telling me to do the exact opposite makes me dislike the school system for much more than gym class and a shitty guidance department.

According to Thoreau, Emerson, and Lodge, I should get up from my third row seat, smack my teacher (of course she symbolizes the public school system/organized education/bitches everywhere), and say "Na na na na na, you conformist" and go smell the roses. Or this could go in another direction completely: I can enter class and she can say something along the lines of "Guys, we've been studying this Transcendental shit, and even though I think Thoreau is a complete retard and philosophy is a waste of oxygen, I think Emerson would roll over in his grave if he actually witnessed someone being tested on his writings. So students, lets go outside, smell the roses, and maybe write some poetry. It won't be graded. Have a good time."

But this will never happen, so I just have to suck it up and embrace the hypocrisy of education.
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Adderall and The Sims 2 are a lethal combination [08 Jan 2006|06:54pm]
I was all by my lonesome reading a little Thoreau whilst getting exceedingly tired and then a power stronger than mine own will took over my body as I inserted the disc. Four hours later I reappeared to eat but a spoonful of inedible soup, only to, just as quickly, dissemble. I picked up Emerson and began to read, what seemed like, endless prose. All the while, my body twitched with a passionate desire to put my Sims back into action. Marcy needs to feed the toddler, Jimbo needs to go to work, and my Sim Me, well, she needed copious amounts of love from many a partner.

The game is but a distraction, an outlet for all of life's frustrations. I get to play god in my Sim universe, and, to put it quite vulgarly, it fucking rocks. I get to chose who lives and who dies. I get to choose who sleeps with whom. There's drama, homework, anarchists, and unplanned pregnancy in life. Simland reflects this reality inimitably, and I get to control every detail from the size of Harry's Jewish nose, to Fabio's art deco home.

I now know what it feels like to be a control freak, and I love it.
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I'm writing so Ilana Galil will have some quality literature to read [01 Jan 2006|10:36pm]
Let's talk about winter break: what did I learn and how can it benefit society?

What I learned:
-Investment bankers must play a lot of Monopoly
-Chummus is only good after x bites
-Evan Greer makes me want to be an anarchist/the Boston anarchist scene makes me want to be an anarchist/but it's mostly Evan
-Amtrak is truly a disgrace to humanity
-My family never had family dinners, therefore I am bound to fail at life

Society's benefits:

Good bye, Hannukah. Hello, 2006.
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[19 Dec 2005|06:39pm]
Yes, it's true. I don't have a life plan. No, I haven't got a clue where I want to go to college or what profession I want to sell my soul to. All I know is that I don't want to join the National Guard so STOP SENDING ME MARKETING MATERIALS, G.I. LAURA.
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[06 Dec 2005|06:05pm]
i don't have a cent this christmas usual it seems
so i
i'm gunna learn how to knit

i'll knit you a sweater
i'll knit you a scarf
i'll knit you a cigarette holder
i'll knit you an aeroplane to fly and meet me here
i'll knit you the nicest taxi cab to pick you up from the airport
when you get in

(hawksley workman is king of my crafting universe)
(come to the punk rock flea market saturday in philadelphia and buy my shit)
(oh, and i overcharge)

happy snow and almost holidays and vacation,

PS: please guys, don't forget to moisturize. last year my love handles got wind burnt. and no, that's not funny.
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[27 Nov 2005|06:08pm]

I love back and forth. Forever.


If you havn't seen 'Me and You and Everyone We Know' you are seriously at a loss.
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[16 Nov 2005|09:22pm]
Exhaustion is hard on the immune system, let me tell you:

For the first time in forever, it felt like junior year. I read a book and annotated (What happened to this word? Did we ever use it? Will we ever use it again? All questions that need to be answered. Not by me, though). I also did a myriad of other tasks, none of which will benefit society in any way. I'll just get a little check mark in an overstuffed faux leather binder and my superego will high-five my id. I hate when my brain celebrates without me. I always miss the subconscious parties in my mind. Maybe if I throw some confetti, bring some pizza and call it a fiesta my mind will slow down enough to invite my ego to the party.

I really have no idea what I'm talking about.

Gotta go save the children.
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[23 Oct 2005|01:51pm]
I can't even enjoy the scent of my new Citrus Lift! lemongrass-scented conditioner until my damn ear infections/cold/breathing problems go away.
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[06 Oct 2005|10:14pm]
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[03 Oct 2005|02:03pm]
I found this on a purple post-it on my desk. I think I wrote it in a frenzy of love and apathy.

Your elbows are rough;
scrub them.
Nobody should have to
be rubbed against sandpaper.
Unless they ask for it
and I didn't ask for it.
Get yourself a loofah...

Happy new year, ya'll.
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[24 Sep 2005|09:27am]
Last night was Saturday night. I watched Dr. Phil. All alone. By myself. And then fell asleep while his son was eloquently talking about his experience as a fat man. I woke up the next morning cuddling with two shmitchiks* and with my light on. I think I was briefly abducted by aliens.

*remote control
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[18 Sep 2005|08:20pm]
I wanna be a rockstar.
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[08 Sep 2005|07:21pm]
Biology Makes Me Feel Existential

The Human Body is a wonderful
Talk about how we all have
Shit man.
You have those too?
It's controversial, you say?
Fuck that christian Bullshit.
Am I really being?
I'm not being because
you're not being
and neither is that frog
being cut
and thrown into the pot
with celery
and onions.
Quick, Emeril.
Make a roux.
Thicken that shit up.
Julia Child likes the
Quick, fellow
metabolize your lunch.
Don't let the venus
catch you in her
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My contribution to society; A flag [26 Jun 2005|04:21pm]
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[19 Jun 2005|11:24am]
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